those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
