I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
