Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
