if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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