im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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