I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
