To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
