all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
