Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your penis caused this!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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