I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
