i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont even know how to be here
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drake has all the answers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
