he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
