Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
