Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So many bounce houses so little time
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
