thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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