Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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