I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
