i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
