Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
