Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
