I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
