would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
