i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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