So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
