And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
