we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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