I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
