It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
