Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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