porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
