Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
