If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
