I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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