i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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