While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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