the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
