You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
