is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize