dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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