dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
