Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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