i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
