Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
