I'm pants shitting drunk right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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