she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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