am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
