I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
