Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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