I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have aggressive nipples.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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