i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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