Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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