Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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