Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
