if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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