Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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