Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
