I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
