it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
