Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
