Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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