I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
