He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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