Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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