Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
