I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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