he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
