I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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