who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize